Friday, 15 November 2013

Life After Thirty Ten

So what's it like to be the average British woman sliding down the slippery slope towards 50 before you can say 'Wonderbra' out loud through a mouthful of chocolate?  I'll tell you.

Bras are suddenly there for the purpose of scaffolding and not just to look pretty. G strings look like weapons of torture rather than a sexy addition to one's wardrobe. Derrieres drop an inch from where they used to be and boobs make out with kneecaps.

Then there are the grey hairs. Of course mine are a lustrous silver but are hidden under an iced chocolate dye and won't see the light of day for many years to come, thank you very much. Hair gets dryer and loses its gleam unless you are fortunate enough to have discovered Andrew Barton's gorgeous Frizz Tamer hair products and cleverly slaver them on with abandon *free tip*.

Foundations, mineral enhanced products, non-bleeding lipsticks, scrubs, serums and detoxins line up on the dressing table in ever increasing numbers where once there lay a bottle of Chanel, a light moisturiser and a red lipstick.

Face creams are tried and tested, greatly increasing in their expense until we are slicking on something that wouldn't look out of place on a Atlantic swimmer, all in the hope of a reduction in crow's feet and laughter lines. (I swear that one wasn't there yesterday).

Basted, pruned, plucked and scrubbed we go out praying it doesn't rain because the brolly is broken again and we have run out of waterproof mascara.

Of course, if you have a lot of money and feel the urge you can nip and tuck at the cosmetic surgeons and bend and thrust at the gym all you like. (The rest of us hold it all in and try not to breathe out much).

And what does the average British man do? Run some wax through his hair, slap on some aftershave and straighten his tie...

Are we nearly ready yet? You must be joking!

But when we do step out, we're worth it ;)

12 comments:

  1. I'm nodding in agreement with each statement. Not so sure what to make of this phase of the aging process. Wonder where we can file a complaint? lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha! We'd be on eternal 'hold' if we dialed that number, Jasmine ;)

      Delete
  2. I don't do any of that. Well, I wear a bra and I use moisturizer, but that's about it. I've been blessed with skin that's aging very well, and to offset that, my hair started going gray when I was about 24. I figure my husband looks his age, so why can't I look mine?
    ;)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Stick this on Monday Blogs, people would love to read it! I started going grey in my 20s too, and am a great believer in looking not-like-an-old-bag for as long as I possibly can. For any under 25s who are reading this - moisturise, moisturise! I've always done so and it's really paid off. But.... there are some things you just can't do anything about. The lipstick bleed, for instance; and over the last couple of years I've started to get those Dot Cotton style smoking lines around my mouth.....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cheer, Terry! Yep, I tell my girls that all the time, they have all had a skin care regime since around 13. Pays to start young, I did and my skin isn't bad at all for my age :)

      Delete
  4. You know what though? I kind of love the option to primp. When men wake up in the morning, that's the best they're going to look -- at least we have tricks to pretty ourselves up! :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. great post. I had never dyed my hair until I was about 35. I am naturally blonde, but I noticed a grey hair and thought WTF! So I bowed to my little sister's superior wisdom and had it made two shades blonder! It's more the clothes we can't wear once we're over 40 (in my case still 40 for another 26 days thank you very much!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have had my hair all sorts of colours but never a true blonde, just highlighted. Happy birthday for 25 days time, Sooz :)

      Delete
  6. I love this post! Just wait until you are fifty plus ten, and more; though I haven't had my third 21st birthday, it's not too far away. Celebrate every day. Each one is it's own special gift. Sometimes when I think about the time I take each day on my "beauty' regime, I wonder how many years of my life it may equate to. I'm not going to do the math on this one! Best wishes!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Norah! I know exactly what you mean :)

      Delete

Note: only a member of this blog may post a comment.